Friday Funnies - Mother's Day

WHAT MOTHER TAUGHT ME

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL

DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just

finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will

come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't

straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of

that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear

clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give

you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut

your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you

look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there

until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of

yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you

once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought

you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions

of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful

parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait

until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going

to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't

stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't

you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower

cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that

door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my

age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, & I hope they turn out just like you!"


Thanks Mom,