Friday Funnies - Mordus Sabbaticus

or Sunday Sickness, is a disease peculiar to church
members. The attack comes on suddenly on Sundays. No symptoms are
felt on Saturday night; the patient sleeps well and awakes feeling
well; eats a hearty breakfast, but about church time the attack comes
on and continues until services are over for the morning. the the
patient feels easy and eats a hearty dinner. In the afternoon he
feels much better and is able to take a walk, automobile ride, go
visiting, talk politics and reads the papers; he heats a hearty
supper but about church time he has another attack and stays home. He
retires early, sleeps well, and awakes on Monday morning refreshed and
able to go to work, He does not feel any of the returned symptoms
until the next Sunday.

The peculiar features are as follows--
1. It attacks members of a church.

2. It never makes its appearance except on Sunday.

3. The symptoms vary, but never interfere with appetite and sleep.

4. It never lasts more than 24 hours.

5. It generally attacks the head of the family and continues to
spread until every member is affected.

6. No physician is ever called.

7. It always proves fatal in the end to the soul.

8. No remedy is known for it except repentance and prayer.

9. Real heart-felt salvation is the only antidote.

Friday Funnies - Sonshine Bulletin

THE SONSHINE BULLETIN
SB vol.07, No.12

A weekly free Bulletin that contains quips, quote, jokes and words
of encouragement.

This Bulletin is sent out free by Larry and Paula Neff,
founders of the Lighthouse Children's Homes in Mississippi,
Costa Rica, and India.  The Lighthouse provides a Christian
home for unwanted, homeless and orphan children.

Please visit our website at:  lighthousechildren.com

To subscribe to the free SONSHINE BULLETIN please send me an e-mail
at:  LarryNeff@lighthousechildren.com and type the word:  Subscribe

To unsubscribe send me an e-mail at: 
LarryNeff@lighthousechildren.com
and type the word Unsubscribe

If you would like to send a joke, quip or quote to be used in the
Sonshine
Bulletin please send it to:  LarryNeff@lighthousechildren.com
***************************************************************
ONE LINERS

World Class Fisherman:  Fish fall for my line every time.
Early to bed, Early to rise, Golf all day, Make up lies.
If it wasn't for flashbacks, I'd have no memory at all.
Middle age spread: The waist of time.
Good idea for a highway billboard: 'YOU ARE NOT WATCHING THE ROAD.'
Old barbers never die, they just can't cut it like they used to.
One wonders if the man who invented lifesavers really made a mint?
A desk is a wastepaper basket with drawers.

***********************************************************
A CHURCH FUNNY

One Sunday the pastor announced he was passing out miniature crosses
made of palm leaves.  "Put this cross in the room where your family
argues most," he advised.  "When you look at it, the cross will
remind you that God is watching."

As a woman walked up to the pastor, shook his hand and said, "I'll
take five."
**************************************************************
NEFF'S NOTES

On Monday we begin our 28th Annual Lighthouse Campmeeting in
Mississippi.
We hope that you make your plans to be with us.  We will have great
singing, preaching, eating, and fellowship.  There are dorm style
bunk beds available and we provide great food and plenty of it.  Our
theme this year is APPRECIATION.  We want to show our appreciation to
the many pastors and friends that make the Lighthouse ministry
possible.  See you there.

At the Lighthouse in Costa Rica we are preparing for the government
test.  These tests are given twice a year and they are very
important.  The tests must be passed before you can be promoted to
the next level.  Please pray for our students as they prepare for
these crucial test.
***********************************************************
GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER…..Sent in by Roberta in FL

1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc, Doc, Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical recliners.
***********************************************************
TODAY'S TRIVIA

Where did the phase "A drop in a bucket" come from?
Answer at the end of the Bulletin.
************************************************************
A BRIEF LOOK AT THE PAST

The 1950's
 The Drive-In Decade, we drove to movies, restaurants,
  banks, and even funeral parlors

 1955 Walt Disney opened Disneyland in CA.
 The first Holiday Inn opened in Memphis, TN
 The McDonald brothers launched the fast food era
 The Interstate Hwy System was started in 1956
 Cars became more ornate with fins, colors, and chrome
       1957,58, 59 The Edsel came and went.
The 1960's
 The first anti-pollution legislation targeting vehicle
 emissions was passed.
 
 1960 the first Rand McNally Road Atlas debuted.
 "Easy rider" and "Route 66" brought life on the road
 to big and small screens.
 America said goodbye to Burma Shave signs.
 Pontiac GTO introduced the "muscle car" era.
 1964 Ford Mustang set a new standard of auto design.

The 1970's
 A German "bug" created an epidemic when the Volkswagen
 Beetle became a best-selling car in the U.S.

 An oil crisis in the Mideast created long lines and
 high gas prices in the U.S.

 A new national speed limit of 55 was begun.
 1971 the first in-dash stereo was offered by Chrysler
 Oldsmobile offered airbags in 1974.
 Tom Sneva set and Indy 500 record at 200 mph.
 In 1973 gas cost 45 cents per gallon.
*******************************************************************
Trivia Answer:
Believe it or not the phase "A drop in a bucket" came from the Bible!

Isaiah 40:15  Behold, the nations are as a drop of a bucket, and are
counted as the small dust of the balance
************************************************************
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share your email address with any company, organization, or
individual, sacred or secular.






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Cities and Countries

In what Bible-mentioned countries are the following
modern cities located?

Naples,

Addis Ababa,

Alexandria,

Athens,

Medina,

Barcelona,

Calcutta,

Tehran,

Jerusalem,


See comments for answers.

Brave Little Girl

An urban legend about a young lady and a world-record brown bear has been circulating on the internet. Here is one version:

"This 9 year old girl from the Yukon killed the new world record brown bear on the Alaskan Peninsula in October, 2006. Skull size 33 1/16", 11' 9" nose-to-tail. Estimated weight of 1,800 Lbs. No, this bear had not killed anyone. It was the girls first-ever bear hunt!"

No, she was not from the Yukon and no, it was not a world record, but the true story is just as fascinating:

From "Biggest Bears Of 2006" in the March/April 2007 issue of Bear Hunting Magazine, due on newsstands late February 2007:

If the "biggest bear" is determined as a ratio of the size of the bear to the size of the hunter, Fern Spaulding-Rivers is probably setting records that will never be broken. The 10 year-old from Talkeetna, Alaska has already harvested great trophies of most of Alaska's major game species, and she is a handloading fanatic as well. Fern's larger caliber rifles have a muzzle brake and a recoil pad and she also wears a custom-made padded shooting vest from McCoy Shooting Armor to help her withstand big bore recoil. Fern was brown bear hunting on the Alaskan Peninsula with her father and mother on May 10th, 2006 (when she was 9 years old).


She was carrying her Remington 700 Stainless chambered in .375 H&H and topped with a Zeiss Diavari Classic 1.5 - 4.5 x 18 scope. As the day progressed she and her father saw 11 bears. At one point, they were charged by a wolf, and they had to dispatch it at only 8 paces! Later, they spotted a big bruin in a gully at 32 yards.

With all the excitement of the day beginning to show, Fern asked Larry to hold her legs steady while she shot because her knees were shaking. Fern rolled the bear with her first shot, but the bruin regained it's footing and tore off across the tundra. Shooting again from a prone position, Fern dropped the behemoth for good with a second 270 grain Barnes Triple-shock at 112 yards.

The United States Fish and Wildlife Service measured the bear's hide at 11'4" from nose to tail. The skull has been officially scored at 29 1/16" Boone and Crockett. What does Fern think of bear hunting? "Do you know how big an 11' bear looks at 30 yds? It's kinda scary! They are about the size of a Volkswagen bus and when they swing their head to look your way they remind you of a T-Rex in Jurassic Park!" Her trophy brown bear now puts her in an elite class. Fern is a tremendous example to young hunters everywhere, and she is a great hunter regardless of her age.

Here is the story -

http://www.bear-hunting.com/news.cfm?Action=News&NewsFlashID=291

He Crushed The Serpent's Head

Deputy Sheriff Bob Alexander is fast with his gun. His dog, Flash, lives up to his name. But despite these two facts both man and dog were hospitalized when they tangled with a rattler.

They came upon the snake suddenly. The dog bit the snake. The snake then sank its fangs into the dog. Just as the snake was about to strike again, the deputy shot. The head of the rattler flew off with jaws gaping and fangs extended and bit the deputy on the hand. Both man and dog received medical attention.

Satan, the Serpent, is also deadly. But there is no danger that his head will fly off and bite the “born again child of God”. Satan was not shot. His head was crushed on Golgotha’s hill (Genesis 3:15). The highest pinnacle of satanic power and authority was brought down – crushed by Christ at Calvary! The Lord Jesus Christ has taken the bite out of the old Serpent for you. Ten thousand hallelujahs!!

This snake was killed just outside of Fritch, Texas. My children used to play 'hide and seek" there at night. Jeff

QUIET TIME

The dog wants in, the cat wants out,

There's someone at the door;

I thought it was my quiet time-

It's really more like war.

I study hard, but other things

For my attention vie:

The reasons they weren't there before,

I really don't know why.

Yet now my Bible pages turn:

Isaiah twenty-six;

Perhaps within the prophet's words

My soul can find a fix.

The first two verses struggle by,

But then I read verse three:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on thee."

-Robert Barrell

From a message by John M. Walls

What is a Charismatic Baptist Mormon?

The Baptist Version
of
The Book of Mormon

Protestant Doctrines
within the Book of Mormon

by
Lynn Ridenhour,

Southern Baptist Minister

For full understanding of this open letter, please check out link-

http://www.centerplace.org/library/bofm/baptistversionofbofm.htm

Dear Dr. Ridenhour,

Anyone who knows Mormonism knows how the Book of Mormon does not represent Mormon doctrine at all. Mormon doctrine is primarily not in there. And Mormonism is cut-and-paste. When Joseph Smith began his teachings he believed there was only one God, as represented in the Book of Mormon. He progressed to three gods in the Godhead. And he kept going to preach a myriad of gods and that you can become a god yourself. The Book of Mormon teaches that God is God from all eternity. Joseph Smith mocked that idea to refute it shortly before he died.

Do you know anything at all about Joseph Smith and Ethan Smith? Where did Ethan Smith live? How far away was he from Joseph? What was the book written by Ethan Smith? When was it written? How does it parallel the Book of Mormon? It's important to examine the facts before you make a fool out of yourself.

Are you totally in the dark about B.H. Roberts? Massive humiliation to the Book of Mormon!

Have you even seen the video "The Bible versus the Book of Mormon"? I'll send you a copy if not, just let me know. Do you know anything about "DNA and the Book of Mormon"? Have you ever heard of the Joseph Smith Translation or the Lost Book of Abraham (also a powerful video to expose the Mormon prophet as false), since you commend him and talk about the canon of Scripture?

There is no excuse for your ignorance with the resources available today to read the truth. And where you teach falsehood (I don't know how to say it so it does not just sound like an insulting remark), but the Book of Mormon which seems to impress you also warns about the judgment and hell. And the Bible (God's Word) surely does! Are you a child of God while being led so easily into religious fantasy? What incredible ignorance!

And you don't have any idea where the Book of Mormon opposes the Bible? You have read the Book of Mormon - then have you read the Bible through as well? They do not agree! So you don't know what the real story line of Joseph Smith's book is about? Does it find support in history? No credible college, in fact no college at all that is not Mormon, teaches about those fictional civilizations and fantastic stories.

And by the way, the Jesus of the Bible is not the same person as the Heavenly Father. That is only the Book of Mormon's Jesus. So if you are teachable and not a puppet out to make a name while applauded by one of the Mormon sects, any of this is easily supported by the facts.

There are two kinds of Baptists past the labels: saved Baptists and lost Baptists. (And that is true of other groups). The latter kind of Baptist often converts over to Mormonism - or basically just about any religion. And a lot of the mere religious kind of Bapists live in your neighborhood. Lost Baptist preachers lead people to hell as they turn from the truth. Saved Baptist preachers are not so easily deceived. God knows which you are; I simply see the clues.

I am purposefully frank and direct with you. First, you of anyone ought to know better. And second, you are waxing the way for apostasy and hell. Take this seriously as here is a Bible test for you that was recommended by the Apostle Paul. It's a very safe test and it's right to take it for me or everybody else. Are you in the true faith? You cannot think organizationally here as to a convention of Baptists or any of the many sects of Mormonism. It has to do with what you need to know, what is the true faith? The answer is this: IS JESUS CHRIST IN YOU? If not, God says you are disapproved and reprobate. So if the Spirit of the Holy God is in you, then what? You will definitely be far too wise than to boast on the Book of Mormon.

The test:

"Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?" (2 Cor. 13:5)

By your own admission, you are a feelings-oriented Charismatic. Sometimes the experiences are not so different from a feelings-oriented Mormon. Benny Hinn has an experience and talks about Jesus too. (And I can send you a powerful video exposing Benny in his own lies too if you'd like). You see, sir, even the devil could call himself a Baptist, but that does not make him one. You're not a true Baptist either. The license someone gave you says you are, but your theology and deception demonstrates otherwise. Baptist is just a title, like "Christian". But a lot of folks claim to be Christians who Christ does not know as His own.

I forwarded your page to some pretty knowing people without first reading your foolishness. A few pages was enough. Anyone of my friends could help you to straighten you out on the Book of Mormon, so maybe you'll be hearing from some of them too. But if you trample these pearls, sir, there's no point. They need not bother and we'll be done communicating too. However, if you want to know the truth, let's talk.

Be wise to consider eternity and be careful!

Charlie Carle

Quotes on PRAYER

"When the Lord built the church, he built a prayer meeting."


"Every need is a call to prayer"


"'Lord Teach Us to Pray' is a lifetime prayer"


"He didn't teach the disciples until they asked. He waits for us to
ask. He doesn't make us pray, he makes us want to pray."


"Great things are said in plain language, the Greatest things are
said in the plainest language."


"Fire moves from the pew to the pulpit"


"The preacher is the match"


"God calls us in ministry to do what only He can do and gives us what
we do not have so we can do it."


"Come clean and you'll be clean"


"All of God's works are done through believing prayer."


"Jesus didn't pray about things, he brought things about by prayer."


"If I can learn to pray I can get anything and everything the Lord
has for me!"


"The biggest thing in ministry is to get to the end of ourselves so
that God takes over"


"Elijah had at least 6 opportunities to quit, the seventh time the
Lord answered."


"Healing? With means or no means, but by all means Jesus"


"Prayer is not only the shortest distance to God's mighty throne, it
is the only way in."


"There are many churchgoers but few worshipers, because there are few
pray-ers."


"Only those who wait on Him can wait for Him."


"In prayer we learn to hear Him speak first, and then we speak; He
works, and then we work. All proceeds from Him; words and works -
and, in worship."


"The promises of God are shaped, one by one, for our praying."


"If we are too busy to pray, we are not only too busy, but barren.
Whatever else we may be doing, we certainly are not doing the works
of God."


"Everything that the Lord Jesus did was easy, except prayer_.It was
the one great work out of which all His works came_"


"Prayer is the highest and holiest work, and yet it is the most
neglected ministry on earth."


"Working is drudgery. Even working for the Lord is dreary. But
working with him is delight."


"With God, prayer is not everything, but everything is by prayer."


"Unless we learn to pray, we never do battle for God_"


"The battle is won in prayer; in witnessing we simply take the
spoils."


"_God will not do apart from prayer what He has promised to do in
answer to prayer, and it is my Christian responsibility to search the
Scriptures and find out just what that is."


"The promises, then, are the very size and shape our prayers should
take; and they are also the size our answers should have."


"Spurgeon once said, `The best evidence that we are in God's will is
the Devil's growl!"


"Everything was by prayer. The main reason for this is that their
entire life and ours is to be on a constant miracle basis"

Friday Funnies - Faith of the Pastor

A Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on
the church supply cabinet.

She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it.
Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After
the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.
Finally he look serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then
he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number,
and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on
the ceiling."

Friday Funnies - On the Big Eddy

My brother and I were fishing from the banks of the Big Eddy River in East Texas several years ago. It was a beautiful day and there were many birds around and also some squirrels playing from tree to tree.

We noticed that a small squirrel kept running out on a limb that extended over the water. Every time he ran out on the limb it would bend toward the water and he would dart back.

We then noticed that the reason he kept darting out on that rather small limb, was that a pecan had become lodged in the fork of the limb, as it extended out over the water.

The squirrel was not about to give up. Each time he ran out on the limb he went a little further. Finally he made one last run and grabbed at the pecan as he fell in the water.

At that time a large mouth bass came shooting out of the water and swallowed the squirrel in one bite. My brother and I looked at each other in amazement. We had never seen anything like it in all of our days of fishing.

Then to our utter amazement, that large mouth bass shot out of the water again, and laid another pecan in the fork of the tree limb.

Jeff

20 Books of the Bible

CAN YOU FIND 20 BOOKS OF THE BIBLE
IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH?

I once made some remarks about hidden books in the Bible.
It was a lulu; kept some people looking so hard for facts.
To others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam,
especially since the books were not capitalized. But the
truth finally struck home to numbers of readers. To others,
it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few
moments for you. No need to be formal; a child could have
fun doing this. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to
spot. Others might require judges to determine. It may
help if you format the words differently. We will quickly
admit it usually takes the preacher to find one, and there
will be loud lamentations when you see how simple it is.
You may not want to take too long reviewing this, however,
since it may become a chronic lesson in futility for you. A
little lady says that if she brews tea, she can concentrate
better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, there are
twenty in this paragraph.


Answers in to be placed in comments.

The Pablum Brand

If someone should ever ask you why some Christians are so slow,

And like under nourished children they just never seem to grow,

Chances are they're on a diet and too weak to really stand,

For the pulpit where they worship only serves the Pablum brand.

How can any new-born Christian ever grow to be a man

If he's always on the bottle or the baby Pablum can?

That's alright while we are playin' pat-a-cake and peek-a-boo,

But to grow in grace and knowledge we need Bible meat to chew.

Something that will feed the spirit, food to nourish soul and mind,

This is what us saints are needing, yet so hard at times to find,

And the way some preachers serve us when there's plenty and to spare,

Why, you'd think our God in Heaven had a cupboard that was bare.

Why not spread the Gospel table with some meat to help us grow

Strong to serve our God and Saviour as we journey here below,

Let us have a full-course message that will give us strength to stand?

And to those who need milk-feeding, give to them the Pablum Brand.

- Walt Huntley

Sermon Titles

A Fat Servant is Better than a Skinny Corpse (Luke 15:17)

A Few Good Men: Gideon's Army

A Good God On A Bad Day

A Lot to Learn from Lot (Gen. 14)

A Major Message From A Minor Prophet (Zeph 3:14-20)

A Nude Dude in a Rude Mood: A sermon on the Gadarene Demoniac

A Serious birth Defect (Psa 51)

A sermon on the Prodigal: Giving the Pigs a Permanent Wave

All stressed up and nowhere to go

American Culture-Polytheism at its Best

An address to Submarine Christians--those who surface Christmas and Easter!

An Attitude of Gratitude (Luke 17:11-19)

Antidote for Anxiety (Phil 4:6-8)

Are You a Low-Sodium Christian? Then Add a Little Spiritual Spice to Your Life! (Matt. 6)

Are You a Wet Water Walker or A Dry Boat Rider (Mat. 14:28)?

Are you in the Way, or are you in the way? (John 14:6)

Are You Suffering from Malnutrition? (Matt. 4:1-4)

Bay of Pigs (casting demons into swine)

Be Careful With What You Think You Know (John 3:1-17)

Bringing in the sheep (Looking for the one lamb)

But GOD Romans 5-8

Christians Stink - We are called to be the odorant to the world. Relating to the odorant added to LP gas.

Countdown To The Showdown (Armageddon)

Crummy Faith (Matt 15:21-28)

Deviled Ham (Luke 8:26-39) (or: How about When Pigs Fly)

Do you have any NIKE's (Gr. for victories)

Does God have a Plan B for us?

Don't Panic It's Just A Test

Don't park in the handicap zone (be active in church)

Don't Set the Stage for Rage (on anger)

Don't wait till the battle is over--shout now!

Driven to Distraction (Luke 10:38-42, Martha distracted by many things)

Free: Eternal Life Insurance!

Get Off Your Donkey - Parable of Good Samaritan.

Gone With The Wind: (house on a rock)

Heaven can't wait! (Rev.21)

He's Making A List And Checking It Twice

Hind-sight, Blind-sight -Jesus heals the man born blind, and the Pharisees
remain sightless.

Honey, We Need to Shrink the Camel (Matt 19:23-26)

How Are You Going To Get Along In Heaven With People You Can't Get Along
With Here?

How Big is Your Barn? (storing up treasures on earth)

How Does Your Garden Grow? (Parable of the Sower)

If You Can't Keep Up, Keep Going

I'm gonna be in heaven with him?

Is God your steering wheel or your spare tire.

Is Time your enemy or is time your friend?

Lamb Chops Anyone? (John 10:11-18)

Lost in His Own Back Yard (the older Brother)

Love 'Em All, and Let God Sort 'Em Out (loving your enemies)

Milk does the body Good (1Pet2:2)

More Zip for the Trip - Elijah out running the chariots

Not Your Typical Baptist (Luke 3:1-6)

Nothing but Net (John 21)

On Naaman - Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Prayer Meeting in Hell (Lazarus and the Rich Man)

Remember Lot's wife. She was halted, she was exhalted, she was salted.

Seven Ducks In A Puddle (Namaan) (2 Kings 5)

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, They didn't bend they didn't bow, they
didn't BURN. Casual Christianity

Shared Any Good `Yokes' Lately? (message on servanthood)

Solve our Problems, but Save our Pigs

Some Will Wear Crowns...Others Will Wear Frowns (JUDGEMENT SEAT OF CHRIST)

Standing On The Promises or Sitting On The Premises (sermon on service)

Survival of the Fittest or Cross training

Table Manners (On Communion)

The Church - Some assembly required

The company you keep! (I Sam.10:5-11)

The Great Omission

The little red devil behind the Pearly White Gates (sermon on the power of
the tongue)

The Man in the Middle

The Mighty Mite-The Widow's Mite

The rude, crude, dude in the nude (Luke 8:26)

The Saline Solution (Salt of the earth)

Three (Wise) Men and a Baby Christmas Sermon

Turn or Burn! (Rev. 20:15)

Unthawing the Frozen Chosen

Wait Watchers (Advent Sermon)

Wake Up - and Sell The Coffin (The widow of Nain's son)

WANTED: SAINTS - DEAD OR ALIVE! (John 11:32-44

What on earth are you doing for HeavensÆ sake?

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

What's Up Doc? (Luke's account of the Ascension)

When Lefty Killed Fatty! (Ehud)

When the load gets heavy (Matt 11: 28-30)

You are what you eat - Communion sermon on Jesus as the Bread of Life
(John 6)

You Better Be Humble...Or You Will Stumble (PRIDE) (I Pet 5:5-6)

You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith too (sermon on Adultery)

You Can't Win If You Don't Begin

From days gone by.

Keep At Your Work

The Lord has given to every man his work. It is his business to do it, and the devil’s business to hinder him, if he can. So sure as God has given you a work to do, Satan will try to hinder you. He may present other things more promising. He may allure you by worldly prospects, he may assault you with slander, torment you with false accusations, set you to work defending your character, employ pious persons to lie about you, editors to assail you, and excellent men to slander you. You may have Pilate and Herod, Ananias and Ciaphas all convinced against you, and Judas standing by you, ready to sell you for thirty pieces of silver; and you may wonder why all those things come upon you. Can you not see that the whole thing is brought about through the craft of the devil? To draw you off from your work and hinder your obedience to God?

Keep about your work. Do not flinch because the lion roars; do not stop to stone the devil’s dogs; do not fool away your time chasing the devil’s rabbits. Do your work. Let liars lie, let sectarians quarrel, let corporations resolve, let editors publish, let the devil do his worst; but see to it that nothing hinders you from fulfilling the work that God has given you.

He has not sent you to make money. He has not commanded you to get rich. He has never bidden you to defend your character. He has not set you at work to contradict falsehood that Satan and his servants may start to peddle. If you do those things you will do nothing else; you will be at work for yourself and not for the Lord.

Keep about your work. Let your aim be as steady as a star. Let the world brawl and bubble. You may be assaulted, wronged, insulted, slandered, wounded, and rejected; you may be abused by foes, forsaken by friends, and despised and rejected of men, but see to it with steadfast determination, with unfaltering zeal, that you pursue the great purpose of your life and object of your being, until at last you can say, “ I have finished the work which Thou gavest me to do.”

Author Unknown

But Not On Sunday Night

I love the church that Jesus built,
And know that it is right.
I go there every Sunday morn,
But not on Sunday night.

I love to sing the songs of God;
Such worship must be right.
And this I do on Sunday morn,
But not on Sunday night.

I love to hear the Gospel too,
It gives me pure delight.
I hear it every Sunday morn,
But not on Sunday night.

And may God bless our preacher too,
And give him power and might,
And put a sinner in my place
At worship Sunday night.

It's true, the church can save the world,
If good light shines bright;
I help it every Sunday morn,
But not on Sunday night.

Yes, all of us must one day die,
I hope I'll be doing right;
So may I die on Sunday morn,
But not on Sunday night!

by Gus Nichols

How to Choose a Church

Billy Graham, Robert Schuller, and other renowned radio and television
preachers often advise their listeners and viewers to "attend the
church of your choice this Sunday." On the surface, this sounds like
good and helpful advice, but is it really? Should not Messrs. Graham,
Schuller, and other mass media preachers instead advise their
listeners and viewers to "attend a church of God's choice every
Sunday" (and, for that matter, every time the doors are open)?

Should they not warn their listeners and viewers that "the church of your
choice" may not be "a church of God's choice"? Such a warning is vital
in this Laodicean age of apostasy, as "the church of your choice" may
well turn out to be one that stands in direct opposition to "a church
of God's choice."

The following guidelines should prove helpful in
finding "a church of God's choice:

1."A church of God's choice" is one that believes that the Bible is
the verbally-inspired, infallible, inerrant Word of God.

"The church of your choice" may not hold Scripture in such high regard.

2."A church of God's choice" is one that believes that the Bible is
the one, objective, final authority for determining what to believe,
what not to believe, how to live, and how not to live.

"The church of your choice" may not be willing to submit to the authority of God's
Word in this way.

3."A church of God's choice" is one that consistently interprets the
Bible according to literal, grammatical, historical hermeneutical
principles.

"The church of your choice" may not be one that interprets
the Bible correctly.

4."A church of God's choice" is one that believes in the Jesus of the
Bible, completely accepting what the Bible teaches about His eternal
deity, virgin birth, sinless life, substitutionary blood atonement,
bodily resurrection, and visible, personal second coming.

"The church of your choice" may not believe in the true Jesus.

5."A church of God's choice" is one that teaches the true way of
salvation and practices the true way of baptism. It is one that
teaches salvation by grace alone through repentance and faith alone in
the Lord Jesus Christ alone and practices believer's baptism by
immersion.

"The church of your choice" may be in error on these two
key points.

6."A church of God's choice" is one that "earnestly contends for the
faith which was once delivered unto the saints" while maintaininq
ecclesiastical separation from such apostate ecumenical orqanizations
as the Baptist World Alliance, the National Council of Churches, and
the World Council of Churches.

"The church of your choice" may not hold to the historic Christian faith
and may be involved in compromise and liberalism.

7."A church of God's choice" is one that seeks genuine Christian unity
with other Christians and churches on the basis of a return to all of
the truths of God's Word. It is one that emphasizes unity based on
truth rather than unity at the expense of truth.

"The church of your choice" may not care about truth at all.

In short, "a church of God's choice" is one that believes God's every
word and seeks to obey God's every command. Attend a church of God's
choice this and every Sunday and every time the doors are open!

Article by Elder John Kohler

Bro. Jeff Hallmark ~~~ "Presenting the Prince of Peace to Prince George"

"And I, if I be lifted up from the earth,
will draw all men unto me" John 12:32

Friday Funnies - Traveling

Google DOES have a sense of humor…

Take 60 seconds to do this. I guarantee you will past this on to someone else. It ' s too funny not to.

1. go to www.google.com

2. click on "maps"

3. click on "get directions"

4. type New York in the first box (the "from" box)

5. type London in the second box (the "to" box) & hit "get directions" on the same line

6. scroll down to step #23

Friday Funnies

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.

While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.

Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.


He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles.

He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Eager to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied,"I am a professional salesman I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the
church, and here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3,200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to
door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded. "That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could".

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered

Impatiently, Paul interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-l-l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"

Story was submitted to pastormail.com

Astrological Predictions

Let’s look at the Astrological Predictions for the

New Year. Aren’t they Predictably Unpredictable?

Is astrology harmless? First glimpse at the human level. Psychologist Dr. Shrank explained, "astrology . . . produces serious, psychic disturbances, a fear of life, despair, and other disorders . . . paralyzes initiative and powers of judgment. It stupefies and encourages shallowness." So yes, it is harmful.

Can we trust in psychics and prophets to foresee the future? With each New Year, we see the renewed interest in this. All we have to do is review the records to see whether they are credible. Who dares to print a list of last year’s predictions? For example, the famed psychic, Jeane Dixon, said Jacqueline Kennedy would stay unmarried. And according to her, California should have fallen into the ocean. You see the same problem with the more radical TV evangelists or any of the latter day prophets. They all fail. The role of a prophet is vitally important to guide people right so God requires 100% accuracy. One false word is like one strike and they’re out; the Lord will not claim him. God’s prophets are zealous against error (Deut. 13:1-5; 18:20-22; Jere. 14:14; 23:16-32; 27:15; Zech. 13:2-5; and Matt. 7:21-23). “God who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son” (Hebrews 1:1-2a). God is clear. When did He speak through prophets? Time past. “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world” (1 John 4:1) So where can I look for true prophecy? God promises of "a more sure word of prophecy" which is in the Bible (2 Peter 1:19). This alone accurately predicts history in advance. Hundreds of detailed and observable fulfillments are given with precise accuracy.

What about astrology? Astrology rests on illusion. In what ways?

1) To embrace this system you have to believe the planets revolve around the earth.

2) Most astrological charts are based on only seven planets in the solar system including the sun and moon.

3) According to astrologists, twins should have like destinies, considering timing and their place of birth. Educated people know heredity is determined at conception not birth.

4) Astrological theories developed near the equator miss places like Alaska and Norway where no planet may be observable for weeks.

5) The constellations have shifted about 30 degrees in the last 2,000 years, so Virgo has slipped into the sign of Libra. But when a Virgo sign is applied, the sun is in the constellation Leo etc.

6) Some astrological systems use 8, 14, or 24 signs while others use 12. What is the plumb line since they oppose each other?

7) And why do western astrologers differ from the Chinese if both could be true?

You see why 186 American scientists and 18 Nobel Prize winners said in September of 1975, there is no scientific basis whatsoever for astrology being effective in foretelling events or influencing lives. The true critical affect is when a person is gullible enough to make foolish decisions based upon it. Yet you hear people trust their horoscopes from a newspaper while another paper sold from the same stand opposes it.

What about some accurate predictions? Most predictions are purposefully ambiguous. "There are so many variables and options to play with that the astrologer is always right. Break a leg when your astrologer told you the signs were good, and he can congratulate you on escaping what might have happened had the signs been bad" (Time Magazine, Mar. 21, 1969, p.56). Anytime someone has a predisposition to believe something, as with a horoscope, it leads to autosuggestion or aiding in the fulfillment. And at other times we suspect a true supernatural power gets involved with the fulfillment, but since God condemns astrology and hit-and-miss prophets, it could never be initiated from Heaven. God is much greater than any spirit down here. That is why God says, “greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)

What about destiny? God grants you the responsibly to prepare for your future, depending on whom you trust. “Born under a lucky star” is fatalism. Any occult spirit-guide invites God's judgment (Deut. 18:9-14). Reasonably, we all care about our wellbeing for tomorrow, so isn’t it even more vital to consider ones eternal destiny? That is why we invite you to examine the evidence, even if your goal might be to refute it. You deserve to know, so then you can prepare. The Bible even tells about the end of the earth and describes where you will be forever. Jesus said no one knows the exact day for the end of the age, but we should know His signs for when it is near.

Whom can I trust? Don't entrust your future to the pseudo-sciences, organized religion, or false teachers. God is greater than any kind of power active in this world. Your future is not determined by religion or the stars but by the "Son" of the Living God! The same Bible that reveals history in advance says you can KNOW your eternity is secure by trusting Jesus Christ (1 John 5:11-13). Destiny matters! Read the Book of John in the Bible, focus on who Jesus is and what He says to believe. Then respond to His invitation and settle it forever!

Would you like to read more evidence? To see Bible accuracy, maybe read Evidence that Demands a Verdict, by Josh McDowell. For more on psychic deception, astrology, and the occult, his book Understanding the Occult is helpful.


Submitted by Bro. "C.B."

Springtime in Texas

Well, it's Springtime in Texas. Look at the beautiful bluebonnets.

Books & Events

In which Bible book do we read about each event?

They are all found in the Old Testament.

1. The speech of Eliphaz.

2. The ten plagues.

3. The dethronement of Queen Vashti.

4. The birth of Samuel.

5. The death of Sarah.

6. Nebuchadnezzar's dream.

7. The fall of Jericho.

8. The marriage of Boaz.

9. Rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem.

10. A famous preaching mission to Nineveh.

The answers are in the comments.

God is working in Canadian Churches

Here is an email I received this last week, - JNH

Gentleman,

Could I take just a minute give you some good news. There is always room for improvement but here are just a FEW of the blessings I’m seeing.

Our attendances @ BBC are the same Sunday AM PM & Wednesday night, in fact we have a few more on Wednesdays because of our teen out reach. We loose our bus kids of course but other than that we are consistent. We have had 170 VISITORS since January without any special programs. We have averaged 35-40 people a week on Saturday morning calling. We recently had over 100 people attend our workers appreciation meeting at our church. 90% of those DO work in our church programs on a weekly basis.

Bro. Clayton has gone from 40 to approx. 160 and built a beautiful 1 million dollar building and actively supports missions.

Bro. Baker has seen substantial growth and is very consistent as well. While at the same time training 80 of our young people for the ministry.

Bro. Pennell is raising money for a much needed addition.

Bro. Sullivan is building a large addition.

Bro. Covey is trying to build a new building.

Bro. Carlson just gave a wonderful report in regard to his teen retreat.

Bro. Lonnie Spence just informed me that their faith promise is up 20% this year.

A church of less than 50 sent BPS over $6,000.00 for our building project.

Bro. Conner just finished some beautiful renovations in their auditorium.

I was in Bro. Dyck’s church in Winnipeg and saw “revival” among their teens and a tremendous crowd in the PM service.

I believe Camp Yes here in Ontario has seen increased numbers & some much needed support to do more renovations.

The church in Dryden had a fantastic revival meeting, while in the midst of looking for a Pastor, while in the good hands of Bro. Letkeman.

I am encouraged; I am charged up, “I am expecting great things FROM God, as I attempt great things FOR God.

There will be tough times! They make the good ones “gooder”.

Bro. Friesen, my experience is this, God DOES bless when you give to OTHERS first. That is how we have gotten every building and need we have had. When we gave, God gave to us! And still does.

Our “TEAM” is winning fella’s and every single “player” is a VALUABLE part of this team. To those of you who are isolated, you are NOT alone! We think and pray for you. Those who are seeing “better” day’s you encourage me to work harder, pray more and preach with God’s power. Those who are struggling you encourage me to ask God for more for you and ways that we can HELP.

There is no BIG and SMALL, that is relative. We are CHURCHES, God’s churches, He knows and loves everyone, and so to should we.

I tell my people all the time … we are WINNING! I give them positive report and encourage every one of them to pray for you men and your works. I encourage them to encourage you when they visit.

What GOOD is happening in your corner of the greatest nation in the world? What blessing can YOU share that will excite MY people?

What specific prayer request do you have for YOUR work that I can give to my people.

“It’s time we the people stand up for what is right, it’s time we squared our shoulders back and raised our swords to fight! … the GOOD fight!”

I appreciate you fella’s! I appreciate the sweet spirit I’m seeing in our churches. I appreciate the stick-to-it many have shown.

I wonder if we might see more YOUNG men, want to Pastor in THIS country if we started, or continue to give GLOWING reports for what God IS doing.

Jesus IS coming soon, till then WORK, Work for the night is coming.

I’m praying for you all.

Bro. Stone

God BLESS … CANADA!


Article submitted by Al Stone.

If you would like to share what God is doing where you are serving, please comment.